Dreams of a Disbeliever

So today my Senior class finally went on our especial Senior ~end of the year~ retreat. 

We saw clips from a movie called Pay It Forward, which was actually quite touching. (even though I didn’t necessarily agree with their portrayal of a Black man in it) The movie is basically about the idea of doing these life-changing deeds for another a person, a deed that can “fix” the person or their situation, and that person in return will do the same for three others. And so on and so on.

After the movie, we split up into groups and of course, answered “deep” questions. My group was asked to think of people we know personally that have “paid if forward”. Most of the people in my group spoke of family members like our moms, grandmas, or sisters, but one of my friends chose me…*tear* She said I taught her the importance of self-love and valuing herself.

Then when everyone came together, and the floor was open for anyone to speak about someone who has taught them something valuable, a new possible way of thinking, or anything that has caused any growth. I identified that same friend for always teaching me to stay true to myself and be like “TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT” because I have never met anyone so carefree and nonchalant about the opinions of others. Then she spoke on how I showed her the importance of self-love, self-respect, and valuing her own dignity.

Anyone who knows me, knows I’m not the touchy, mushy, feely type at all, but I was really touched. I never thought I would have made such an impact on anyone. And it makes me proud to know that a big part of me has only been able to do that through my feminism and everything I’ve been able to gain because of it. I love my friend so much and to know her has been such a blessing. Today was the shizz.

So I attended the Civil Liberties and Public Policy (or CLPP) Women’s Right Conference this past weekend at Hampshire College in MA.

That has probably the most intense event I’ve attended so far. The conference centered around reproductive justice, but also included the topics of abortion, HIV/AIDS, doulas, gender roles, various injustices, and so much more. 

My workshops were about people of African descent in the Reproductive Rights Movement, prison doulas, the use of art as a method of unpacking oppression and finding liberation, gender roles shoved down our throats at a young age, and teen families and eliminating the negative stigma that is attached to the idea. 

There were just so many heavy topics, and I guess as much as there were things I could relate to and felt passionate about, there were so many things I was just learning or didn’t know how to react to. FOR EXAMPLE: My first ABORTION SPEAK OUT, where any woman could take the podium and tell of her experience with abortion.

There were so many brave woman who went up and shared their stories. One thing that really impacted me was no matter HOW RELIEVED these women were to have abortions, they all seemed to feel this great sense of responsibility, grief, and loss. It was so fucking interesting to hear about so many different situations, but it was so difficult to listen to such sad as shit too. One thing that resonated with me so powerfully was after one woman told her story, she ended by saying “Sometimes I forget it and don’t think about it at all, and some days…it’s ALL I think about…”

Overall it was a good learning experience, but honestly, I don’t think I felt particularly “empowered” at the end. Also, I was disappointed to not see that many people of color not only at the conference, but just on campus in general.