Dreams of a Disbeliever

I’ve decided that I’m not even going to bother applying to my school’s summer program. 

I know I’m passing up an opportunity to adjust to my school before next fall. I know I’m passing up basically an academic head-start and a head-start with my mentor. I know I’m passing up 2fuckingthousand buckaroos.

But I also know if I were to get in, I would be absolutely miserable. I wouldn’t be able to possibly survive doing REAL work during the summer. I would not be able to see my friends or family for my last summer before college, before everything changes dramatically.

I know it may seem like a big mistake to some people, but as long as I’m happy with my decision, which I am, everything will be okay. I need this summer to unwind, have fun, PARTY, intern, and do my summer program at Sadie Nash. In the end, this summer is the time I want and need for me…

I’m so ready to move onto the next chapter in my life.

This one is so old and overrated now.

I’m finally home after being on the bus for 4 hrs -__- stupid traffic. I can sleep in my own Queen sized cloud-like bed & shower in my OWN bathroom.

Well, Spectrum at Haverford was definitely interesting. It’s sort of what I expected in terms of demographic, social life, and just the general atmosphere. I went to an ALAS party, and I can’t front, they had like the Aventura, ass-shakin’, twerking, 2007 reggeaton, and random ratchet as jams. Like I had a lot of fun, and it was so funny seeing the most “awkward” or quiet guys from our group break out of their shells and start grinding on upperclassmen girls or when this quiet Asian girl from our group cleared the floor so she could do the worm lmao. The freaks come out at night all right.

The rest of the weekend consisted of panels, questions for current students, food, more food, naps, awkward as Haverfordians, and random funny moments (and more naps!). One thing that was fucking dope was when I was checking in, the lady from admissions was all like “Ramelcy? Finally! It’s so nice to meet you, we’ve been waiting for you since November!” The Dean of Admissions later came to meet me personally too. I just felt super special and welcomed. 

The most difficult thing of this weekend was just facing reality. Since December 1st, going to Haverford was no biggie. I mean I got into a top liberal arts college AND would attend for FREE, how could I ever complain, but this weekend really showed me I was really comfortable with the idea on paper or in theory. It was a completely different thing to actually imagine myself moving there, living there, and learning there for the next 4 yrs. I have commitment issues, and when faced with such a reality, I sort of wanted to run far away and stay a college-less kid forever. Ultimately, I’m facing the truth that I will be living there in a couple of months, and my experience will be what I make of it. It is up to me to take advantage of all Haverford’s resources and put as much positive energy as I want back….

They don’t seem to get it. 

I am going to a great college on a full ride, unless it’s something that puts my college education in jeopardy, nothing from here on out affects me.

I really hate how most adults think they sit on some high and mighty chair where no one can touch them. These adults act like their shit don’t stink like everyone else’s and are constantly looking down and belittling younger people or in some cases, their students.

Then it’s these very same ni99as who demand everyone else’s respect, but don’t even give the bare minimum of it. Just because you are older does not give you any right to treat everyone else like Shitty McShitShit.

BUT if it were me, treating adults in that manner, ALL HELL WOULD BREAK LOOSE. They would say I’m some little “Spanish” or colored girl who lacks home training, respect for authority, manners, character, basic common sense, and comes from a broken home. Like REALLY THOUGH? REALLY.

So at the end of the day, I don’t care if you’re older, younger, or the same age as me, if you don’t treat me with any respect, don’t expect any in return.

I wish people weren’t so quick to jump to assumptions, but actually take the time to learn about what they think they know before they talk shit.

Oh well.